Exercise is not a punishment. Food is not a reward.

Does this sound familiar?

“I gotta go work off that birthday cake!”

“Burn off that booze!”

“I overdid it this weekend, I’ll be hitting the gym hard Monday morning!”

“I’m going to be going to 3 different little kids’ birthday parties this weekend — better run a couple extra miles today!”

“I work out so I can eat whatever I want.”

“If I lose another two pounds, I can eat the cupcake I’ve been waiting for.”

“I was good all day, so I’ll have some ice cream tonight.”

“I worked out a lot today, so I deserve some cookies.”

You may be wondering what the problem is with those statements. You may be thinking that telling yourself to go work off birthday cake or booze is motivating you to get to the gym and work out, and that’s a good thing, right? You may be thinking that holding off from that cupcake until you lose that two pounds is motivating you to stay on track — it’s a test of willpower and strength. And you did work hard today, so why not reward yourself with some cookies or ice cream? And that one about running some miles today so you can party with the kiddos all weekend, well that just seems like sensible planning.

Here’s the thing: statements like those above start us on the slippery slope to disordered eating. Am I being dramatic? I don’t think so. Let me explain. All of those above statements do two things: they make exercise a punishment and food a reward. Food and exercise are wonderful, powerful things, and when we start casting them as reward and punishment it makes them loaded, unhealthy, powerful things. When we see food as a reward and exercise as a punishment, that can start us on what I call “binge/purge lite.” When we get through something hard or meet a small goal, we start to overload on unhealthy “reward” food, then start to feel ashamed about it and punish ourselves with excessive exercise. The behavior on both ends is unhealthy, and we’re left feeling bad about ourselves in the process. Cue the continuous cycle of eating to feel better and exercising to punish ourselves because we feel worse.

Let’s look at the above statements surrounding exercise: “I gotta go work off that birthday cake,” “Burn off that booze,” “I overdid it this weekend, I’ll be hitting the gym hard Monday morning,” and “I’m going to be going to 3 different little kids’ birthday parties this weekend — better run a couple extra miles today!” The inherent message in all of these is what I’m eating is “bad” and therefore I must work out . There are two problems with this: first, what you’re eating is not bad, it’s just food; and second, working out should be a stand alone positive activity, not a punishment for eating food you enjoy. When you turn exercise into a punishment, you’re a lot less likely to stick with it. Who the heck wants to voluntarily submit to punishment? Nobody. Except maybe a masochist. It’s a lot easier to get yourself to work out when you’re thinking about it as an enjoyable activity that has myriad benefits for your body and mind. Even if you don’t find it enjoyable, your success rate is going to be significantly higher if you’re thinking about exercise from a benefits perspective instead of a punishment one. So let’s change those statements around:

“I can’t wait to get out for a walk and enjoy some fresh air!”

“I can enjoy having a drink or two, AND I can enjoy my workout.””

“I overdid it this weekend and it didn’t feel too good. Now I know what’s right for my body.”

“I’m going to be going to 3 different little kids’ birthday parties this weekend — I can’t wait to go to the gym for an hour and have some time to myself to enjoy my workout!”

Now let’s turn to the statements surrounding food: “I work out so I can eat whatever I want., “If I lose another two pounds, I can eat the cupcake I’ve been waiting for,” “I was good all day, so I’ll have some ice cream tonight,” “I worked out a lot today, so I deserve some cookies.” Using food as a reward — especially unhealthy food — hinders your progress and gives that food A LOT of power. Think about this: if you’re rewarding losing a certain amount of weight by having a cupcake, you just changed shifted your goal from losing weight to eating cupcakes. I’m pretty sure if you’re trying to lose weight, you don’t want to make your goal eating cupcakes. In the latter two statements, choosing to reward yourself with unhealthy food just set back all the progress you made during the day. Why do that? So let’s make those statements a little healthier:

“I work out because it makes my body and mind feel great and helps me meet my goals.”

“If I lose another two pounds, I will be two pounds closer to my goal and that feels awesome!”

“I ate really healthy food all day, go me!”

“I worked out a lot today, so I deserve to eat in a way that supports all my hard work.”

So then what do we do when unhealthy food presents itself? When we’ve adhered to our goals for a day or a few, or a week, or a few? First, ask yourself if you’re hungry. Next, ask if it will help you meet your goals. (It won’t.) If you really want some, and you’re actually hungry, eat a little and don’t beat yourself up over it. But don’t give it the power of being a reward. Food is food, it’s not good or bad, reward or punishment. It’s just food. It’s food that makes your body feel good and helps you get where you want to go, or it’s food that doesn’t make you feel good and hinders your progress. And sometimes we have food that’s not the best for us. That’s okay! But making it a reward gives us an excuse to hold ourselves back, and then to beat ourselves up because we just held ourselves back. That’s not healthy for our bodies or minds. If you need a more immediate and tangible reward than meeting your goals, or noticing how good your body feels, try a non-food reward.

Some ideas for non-food rewards big and small: an hour of alone time, a bottle of nail polish, a night out with a girl friend, date night, new workout clothes, a new piece of lingerie that makes you feel amazing, a spa day, a manicure, a swanky new water bottle, a nap, an afternoon alone to do something you love, new materials for your hobby, a photo shoot, a new gadget, a new book…the list goes on.